a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
