All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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