sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sober January is a disaster.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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