I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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