watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
