you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
