Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
