is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's just like the Real World with babies
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
