Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
