we're blogging at a bar
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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