come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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