is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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