i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My balls are so social today.
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
