And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
