Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
