I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
