perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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