3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
