Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A bitchslap is in order.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
