i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
