I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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