FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
