hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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