so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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