we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
