I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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