I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
