It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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