Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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