When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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