i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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