ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
