wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
