remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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