What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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