Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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