Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
