During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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