Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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