How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
