My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
