So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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