I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
