so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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