Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
