i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
