how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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