only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need water and some morals
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