WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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