I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
