Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
