Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
