You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
