drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
