I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
