The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
