You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
