naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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