stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
