with your own penis?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
