why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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