So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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