We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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