Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
