k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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