Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How external is "for external use only"?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
