If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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