Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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