Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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