I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
